Even The Best Laid Plans...

Confession...I am definitely a control freak. I really like to know exactly how things are going to happen. In fact...I have a hard time reading books without skipping to the end to know exactly how things are going to go down. Unfortunately, we all know life doesn't work that way. Gods plan for us doesn't work that way. Its not so easy to snatch a sneak peak at the end of the book.
    Not all that long ago, I had what I was pretty sure was the best five year plan ever. Through most of highschool I was pretty set on one thing. I was going to go to Belmont University in Nashville, TN. I was going to be a commercial voice major. I was going to find a great group of musicians to work with and record a couple albums while I was at it. It just made sense. As for Gods involvement in this? I called the shots, and then it was just a matter of fitting God into the plan. The thing is, God isn't an afterthought or someone you ever just "fit in" to your life when its convenient or works out for you.
     You see, my sister is a wonderfully missions focused person. She has spent the last few years of her life devoted to serving in a couple of different countries: Ireland, Germany and Nepal. Every time she returned from another mission trip I was excited for her and what she was doing in the world, but I never let myself get excited enough to imagine that could ever be me. I was okay with calling myself a sender. And that is exactly what I told God every time I felt a tug on my heart that he had way greater plans for me than what I was open to.
    Finally, last September I visited Belmont in Nashville. In my mind the purpose of the trip was to get an idea of where I was going to live and what I was going to be doing. Everything on the trip went smoothly. I loved Tennessee and the music and the school. Though, as I flew home from that trip I remember  a slight feeling of unease that I couldn't put my finger on. Going into the next few weeks I knew I only had one last thing I needed to turn into the admissions board before I was accepted into the school. I put it off for a few weeks until finally I was at my sisters presentation on her most recent missions trip to Nepal. That night God moved in my heart as my sister talked about all the things God had done that she had experienced and her passion for sharing the gospel outside of her own place and comfort zone. I had heard her share all of this before, but this time I was listening with different ears. The foolishness of trying to get God to fit into my life became clear to me. How much of Gods plans and opportunity's for my life  had I been missing while I was so busy trying to control everything. I began to recognize that missions had been placed on my heart I just hadn't been willing.
       Over the next few weeks I began to seek God in prayer. My usual prayer of, "God make this plan I have for my life work out well for me", started to sound a lot more like, "God what would you have me do"? We all know this prayer is a scary one to pray, because God answers and usually not within our comfort zone. Through all this it was really confirmed in my heart that God was asking me to use music where ever I ended up. So I met with a woman at Gateway, Danielle Carter, who gave me some great wisdom about music missions and offered to get in contact with some friends around the globe and see where someone like me might be needed and used for about a year. About a week later she contacted me to let me know she had some friends serving in New Zealand that were interested and would I like to send them a message? I was really excited about the idea of serving in New Zealand and asked who to message. You can only imagine how surprising and exciting it was to find out that the people from NZ were Brian and Melanie Stark and their family, people I knew in the past through theater! This for me was just a huge confirmation from God that this was where he was leading me! After that, through meeting with the missions board at Gateway and working alongside Delta International I continued to experience Gods provision and conformation of this direction in my life. Now I am continuing to work through logistics and paperwork (of course), though I am constantly relearning that Gods plan is better. I am continually having to let go of the steering wheel and surrender to God in all aspects of this trip and every other area of life. The great thing? The only regret I have had so far from surrendering to Him is that I didn't do it earlier.